Sunday, August 30, 2009

Do people care what they put us through? Or do they even KNOW?

I'm angry tonight.....I'm just not sure at whom yet! Other people, or myself? What am I upset about? Being taken advantage of and on a regular basis.
If you have fibromyalgia, you KNOW there are just some things that you can't do EVER, some things you have to be feeling up to the task and some things you can do almost any time EXCEPT while you're in a flare. I don't think other people realize this.........regardless of how many times I explain it to them!
For instance, I cannot drive or ride long distances without having a lengthy break (preferably overnight) in between stops. My husband has practically forced me to take 2 4 hour trips, just 2 days apart from each other this week! We drove to the other state, took care of business (all day) and then drove back to our state. A 4 hour trip! That was thursday, then today he did it to me again, all so that he could tape a football game because our satellite is OUT! We could have spent the night and came back home the next morning, but he insisted on driving home each time the same night. I'm in so much pain right now, that i can barely stand it and I can't take any more meds for several hours.
Is it HIS fault that he did this to me......even though I explained how much it was taking out of me? Or is it MY fault because I let him?
It's a catch 22 situation. I can't rest at home while he is gone for 6-8 hours, traveling at night, all by himself. I worry too much! But then again, he didn't put a gun to my head and force me to go with him, although he did make it clear that he wanted me to go with him. Does he simply not believe me when I tell him what these trips do to me? Does he think I'm exaggerating? Surely not because I'll be in the bed for the next 3-4 days recouperating.
So maybe it is my fault. Maybe I'm just not strong enough against him? But I don't like letting him down. I do my best to please him in every way. I thought that's what husbands & wives do for each other?
It's easy for me to tell someone else to not put up with this type of treatment and even tell the spouse what they are causing for their wife/husband who is ill, But it's a little bit harder to tell your own spouse where you draw the line.
So who's fault is it? MINE or HIS???!!! and more importantly, What am I going to do about it?


Trisha Pearson said...

That is a tough one, Teresa. There are so many things we feel like we have to do for our families, whether we feel like it or not. And I don't think our significant others can really truly get what over-doing it does to us, no matter how much we tell them. But, honestly! A ball game! I'd be furious with him too! That was two VERY long car rides just to record a game. Argh! (shakes head)

And why do we give in to stuff like that? Do you think is partially guilt? A few weeks ago, my husband kept hounding me to drive him to Seattle to pick up his car during a time when I was having day after day of migraine headaches. I finally ended up just saying yes and doing it, even though having the aura and all that could have been very dangerous while driving down there. I guess I felt like what he was asking wasn't that unreasonable, even though it was a big deal for me. And, sure enough, my eyes freaked out from all the headlights and made me feel sick.

It's so hard to know what to do. When do we put our foot down and refuse? Should we have? I just don't know.

stipeygirl75 said...

I have the same problem with driving. Even RIDING in a car for that long will do me in. It is hard to explain to people what you can/can't do. I would say in this instance you should let you hubby SEE how you are suffering right now, so maybe next time he won't force you to do it? Will that get through to him? It is indeed very frustrating when you can't do things for your family.

Teresa said...

Thanks Sarah, I appreciate your advice. I think I will let him see how much I'm suffering this week as a result of what he put me thru last week. He can already tell I'm worse than usual and has made a few comments. So maybe it's as much much my fault as other peoples, because I try to hide my true pain levels. Maybe it'll do us all good for me to just be "myself" around everyone.??