Sometimes I wonder if all that I go through is mostly from the fibromyalgia or if it is just life itself. I mean I never really have "highs" but my lows are pretty far down there. Sure, depression is a part of it. How can it not be when you feel like crap all the time? But there's more to it than that. So much more. For example, some days I can get out of bed, walk to the living room or kitchen, study a little maybe or just chill out. Other days I'm in so much pain that I can't EVEN get out of bed and if I do make it to another room, that's as far as I'm going for the rest of the day. Pain is my main reason for these issues. It's relentless, unyielding and downright heartbreaking. I realize that "if I'd just exercise more I'd feel better altogether", but that's a heck of a lot easier said than done. Especially when you can't move because of the horrible pain you're ALREADY in. Don't even get me started on the pain I feel when I do exercise. Well I say exercise, it's really nothing more than stretching or walking. And most of my walking is done at places that are air conditioned like Walmart or the mall. Who am I kidding.........I can't go to the mall and walk, my back is far too bad for that. So I walk in Walmart as far as I can and then have to get a scooter to take me out of the store and to the car.
But is any of this actually caused from the fibro? I mean would I be in this condition even if I DIDN'T have fibromyalgia? I guess we'll never know because it's not like I can get rid of any of the conditions I have. Fibro, AS, Sjrogens, Back pain, etc., etc., etc..........
I wish I could snap a finger and everything be ok again. Oh that's right..........it's never been ok. I've always had these symptoms, just not this bad. For those of you who suffer right along there with me, I feel your pain..........quite literally! I feel so bad for those people who say that their worst symptom is the fibro fog. I really do. It's horrible. But sometimes I wish that my fibro fog would block my pain. Instead it's as if I'm lost in a mindless, worthless issuance of pain from head to toe and deep within to my Psyche. What to do? What to do?
Am I ever positive? Rarely I believe. And I ramble on and on, don't I? Well, I'll just blame it on the fibromyalgia.........again! But sad to say, it's probably the true cause.
I'll never give up though. I've got too much that I want to accomplish somehow. Even if it's just from my bedroom or recliner. How's the saying go, "What doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger!"