Feeling Like Garbage

February is almost upon us and, for me, this means the most difficult time of year has arrived. I feel like garbage every single day. The weird, congested, achy, sick feeling across the middle of my back always flares up this time of year and it's the hardest pain for me to deal with. It doesn't go away when I sit down like my other pains and it's often accompanied by a feeling of sadness. It's a very heavy feeling that makes it very hard to get out of bed in the morning. In addition to that, my legs, hips, shoulders, arms and feet hurt and I'm having daily headaches AND more migraines again. Oh, and fatigue too. I can't forget the fatigue. I live in a split level house and having to go up and down those stairs a dozen times a day is exhausting. I feel like I need to lay down on the landing for awhile to get the strength to make it up the rest of the stairs. It's not fun. I wish I could just go to bed and not get up until this part of the year is over with.

And the hardest part? This could go on for months. Sometimes, I start feeling better in April but often feeling better doesn't start until May. Last year, it was July.

It's very hard to keep a positive attitude when faced with months and months of feeling like garbage. But I am determined  to stay positive and be happy this year. I don't want to be depressed, angry and bitter on top of being physically miserable.

I suppose the first step is to stay in the moment and take it day by day, instead of focusing on months of misery ahead. Maybe I'll feel better sooner this year. I do have some new tools in my fibro toolkit. I bought the The Trigger Point Therapy Workbook and I've had great success in treating my hip pain. I think the weird pain across my back may also be caused by trigger points so I'm working to figure out which ones so I can treat them too. And, I've discovered that doing a short, easy yoga routine every day helps reduce my pain levels.  I've also read some good, hope-inspiring  books about fibro lately which I'll share more about later because I'm tired now, which I'm sure you understand all too well!

Two Supplements for Increased Energy

I am so tired of being tired.

Fatigue has been an on and off kind of thing for me for the past ten years. I go through spells of being very, very tired and spells of feeling pretty okay, as long as I don't overdo it. At least I used to. For the last year and a half my fatigue has been a constant (and most unwelcome) companion.

A few weeks ago I decided that I was so tired of being tired that I had to do something, try something. So I drug myself down the road to Fred Meyer's natural food section to find something, anything that would help with energy.

I came away with a bottle of CoQ10 gummy chews (gummies because that's what was on sale - CoQ10 can be a bit expensive) and a packet of Healthy To Go Acai Energy drink packets:

The combination has helped me some. I'm definitely functioning better than I was a month ago. The Acai Energy Boost drink has 500 mcg of vitamin B12 in it, so I'm thinking that's probably what helps with energy. It also tastes yummy and is sweetened with stevia - bonus! I've used CoQ10 before and I do think it helps and is worth trying, even if it is a bit spendy.

Also - I just ran across an article that talks about supplements to help with chronic fatigue syndrome. http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/conditionsatod/a/CFS.htm I might research and try some of these in the future because I am so tired of being tired.

Have you found anything that helps boost your energy? If so, share!

Goodbye Little Blue Pill

This last February I finally got desperate enough to try Elavil for my fibromyalgia. I hesitated for a very long time because of the high occurrence of people that gained weight while on it. But the pain from fibro was just getting to be too much so I decided to try it and promised myself I would stop taking if I gained any weight.

At first, it felt like the Elavil was helping with my pain. I had the best February and March that I've had in years. (Typically February and March are my worst months).

I also loved how deeply I slept while taking Elavil. I didn't have one bad night of sleep while I was on that stuff, not even around the time of my period when I usually experience a few nights of insomnia. I even started sleeping deeply enough to start dreaming again. It was great!

The Elavil also seemed to improve the fibrofog. I had a few mildly foggy days but no days where I absolutely couldn't function. That in itself made the Elavil worth taking.

But I started gaining weight. In three months, I gained six pounds. I tried getting back on The Flat Belly Diet which had worked for me in the past. There was no way. I was starving all the time. And I was too groggy to exercise in the morning like I usually do.

I realized I was feeling pretty lethargic all the time. Walking the dog became a horrible ordeal. My hip started hurting way worse than it ever had before. My muscles kept getting tighter and tighter because I couldn't take muscle relaxers with the Elavil. (Taking the two together caused a major drug hangover that left me unable to function until about 2:00 pm the following day). Also, the Elavil seemed to totally kill my sex drive, something that my husband wasn't appreciating.

So, I started weaning myself off them. Now that I have the Elavil out of my system, my hip and trigger points are better (maybe because I can take Flexeril again), I have more energy and I'm feeling less...distant.

But, boy, do I miss that deep sleep. Now I'm back to feeling jittery and wired at bed time, jumping at every noise, and waking up really early in the morning. I do miss those little blue pills that knocked me out for the night.

by Trisha

Fibro and Anger

I've read many posts on many fibro sites about how common it is to feel anger about having fibromyalgia. It's easy to go there when you think "Why me? Why do I have to live with this?" I've had many days I've felt that way. That "Why me" question never leads anywhere good. But the last few years, I'm finding myself feeling more angry at the world for demanding so much of me. Instead of wondering why I have fibromyalgia, I find myself wondering why there are so many demands on me.

For me, the middle of April to the middle of June is the very worst time, even worse than Christmas. The school has all their end of the year stuff; fund raisers, music concerts, teacher appreciation week, etc.,etc. There seems to be no end to the demands the schools make on our time and bank accounts this time of year. Then there is baseball with multiple games and practices each week. And on top of all that, there are friend's birthdays, family birthdays, Mother's Day, and Father's Day. By the time Father's Day is over, I feel like I've run a gauntlet of holidays. It completely wears me out. I'm just not cut out for all the shopping and dropping by to visit that holidays require. By the end of it all, I feel like roadkill with a flock of hungry vultures tearing away pieces of me. (I know, it sounds dramatic but it's really how I feel!) And the bad thing is, it's all stuff I can't say no to. I promised myself I wouldn't put anything extra on the calendar. And what happens? Reminder cards for dentist appointments come in the mail, friends invite me to their parties, notices come home about whatever is going on at the school. So then I have to say no to some things and it always ends up being the things I want to do because I have no energy left from all the things I HAVE to do. And I find myself getting angry. Why are there so many demands on my time and energy? I don't feel angry at individual people, just at the world in general for being so dang busy all the time. Does anyone else feel this way? And what do you do about it? I really don't want to spend the next two months being angry at the world but it's already starting!

Will I Ever Learn?

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia six years ago. Six long years of pain, fatigue, brain fog, flare-ups, good days and bad days. Six long years to learn that I don't have that much energy anymore. You'd think in that six years I would have learned the all-important lesson to not overdo it, to listen to my body when it says it's tired. But have I? Apparently not.

I think my fibromyalgia is on the mild side now. I've come a long way since I was exhausted and stressed with a new baby/difficult toddler. So I have some days where I feel pretty good. Sunday was one of those days and I decided to give my yard some much-needed attention. Kneeling down pulling weeds and pruning bushes didn't seem like that much work at the time. Still, by the time I finished the backyard, I was feeling tired. But I hadn't touched the front yard yet, so I kept going. I pushed myself to the point of being utterly exhausted. And two days later, I'm still exhausted. I have no energy. My arms and legs feel like they're made out of lead. I just want to curl up in the cozy cocoon of my bed and sleep for the week.

But when does life ever work like that? Not often, in my experience! Nope, I have a busy week. Baseball games, lunch dates, massage appointments and a cleaning job to do. And on top of that, I scheduled a doctor's appointment, even though I knew I should wait until next week when I wasn't so busy and/or exhausted. For me, the one extra thing per day rule only works if I schedule one extra thing for three days or less for the week. Schedule four extra things in a week, and by Thursday I'm so tired I just want to cry. Sometimes, I do cry, just out of sheer exhaustion.

I hate being this way. I feel so weak. So pathetic. At thirty-eight years old, I'm fairly young. I'm healthy (aside from fibro). I feel like I should be able to do more. Maybe that's where the refusing to accept my limits comes in. But for six years, I've experienced the backlash from pushing past my limits. I'm experiencing the backlash of fatigue now and I'm wondering; will I ever learn?