I was diagnosed with fibro six years ago so you'd think I would have figured that out already. But I guess I just didn't want to think of myself that way. I've been a stay-at-home mom for the past eleven years so it's not like I had to give up my job because of fibro. Maybe that's why it's taken me so long to realize that I'm actually disabled.
But the other day, I had to quit my housecleaning job. It was only an hour and half job cleaning house for a sweet little old lady who practically cleaned her house before I even got there, so it wasn't like it was hard. And it was only twice a month. But being on my feet for an hour and a half causes me so much pain in my hip and back. And the hip pain doesn't just go away with a couple of hours of rest. It stays and then it takes me days and days to recover. As much as I loved seeing the sweet old lady and feeling like I was helping someone else and good for SOMETHING, I finally had to tell her I couldn't do it anymore.
Driving home from giving her my resignation, that's when it hit me. If I can't do an hour and half job twice a month, what can I do? I couldn't do a job that requires standing or one that requires sitting. And that pretty much covers every job. It's kind of scary knowing I couldn't support myself or my children should the need ever arise.
I'm freaking out a little bit. Me, disabled? It's kind of hard to accept.