I'm just going to admit it right up front: this blog post is filled with self-pity. If you click off of it at this point, I won't blame you. I am feeling sorry for myself. You see, this is the third weekend in a row that I haven't felt well enough to do anything. Seriously, ANYTHING. Not even the simple things like run to the bookstore for a new book or pick up a few fall flowers to plant. And definitely not the things I really love to do like go to the beach or for a hike. My mind is way too foggy to drive and I'm in way too much pain to walk through a store or stand in a check out line. Even with pain meds it would be miserable and pointless.
I guess there are a couple of reasons why it's bothering me so much this time around. First of all, summer is quickly slipping away and we haven't done a whole lot of summery things yet. The kids will be back in school in two and a half weeks and our weekends will be spent preparing for the week ahead and going to little league games. Another aspect to this, is that I feel guilty for not doing more things with the kids during the summer. This is their childhood and I'm afraid they're not going to have many fond memories of fun summer days.
The second reason it's bothering me so much is because this flare is accompanied by the fog. It could be an enjoyable weekend spent at home if my mind were clear. I could do some writing, I could read a book, or something, anything. Instead, my mind is just drifting in this horrible fog. It's very distressing. I feel like my life is drifting away from me or that I'm a ghost observing my life from the outside looking in. It's weird. Disturbing. And not enjoyable. I find it so hard to believe that people takes drugs with the intention of feeling this way. I hate it. I want my mind back.
But I am not going to spend the whole weekend feeling sorry for myself. Instead, I'm going to spend the weekend caring for myself and trying to heal. My plans for the weekend include stretching, massaging, applying moist heat, and performing healing meditations. All the pain I'm experiencing right now is caused by my myofascial trigger points so all this should help with the pain. The brain fog, well, that's another story. I don't know what to do about that. I guess while I'm sitting on the heating pad I can browse the internet looking for something that will help with it. If I find any useful suggestions, I'll be sure to share them.