Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Loss is Great, but Life Goes On........

On my last blog I explained that my Mother had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and given roughly 6 mos- 1 yr to live. Well, God's plans were not the same as the doctors. My mother went home to be with the Lord Jesus Christ on Friday February 5th. This was just 2 days prior to her 73rd birthday.

I am in shock and dismay, yet there's a sweet peace that floods my heart and soul. I miss her terribly and wish she were still with me, but not at the cost of having to be so sick and dependent on others for the most basic of needs. Yes, God answered my prayer in that He did not let her suffer and took her home before the suffering would have begun. From the day the family was given the diagnosis and prognosis, to the day she died was only 2 weeks. I am thankful for that. It was long enough for her to perfect her plans, say her goodbyes and I love you's and then curl up in the arms of Jesus. She worked tirelessly, planning her funeral, dividing her estate that wasn't mentioned already in the will, saying I LOVE YOU's in her own little way. She was such a great Mom. We didn't always see eye to eye on things, but she never judged me for a difference of opinion. She raised me to be strong, loving my family and above all loving my God, Jesus Christ.

I am having a very difficult time moving forward. And I'm now convinced that stress and emotional suffering play a VERY big part in my Fibro pain and symptoms. I've never been in so much pain in my entire life, as far as fibro pain is concerned. But ever so slowly I see a light at the end of the tunnel. The pain for me is simply that I miss her being here with me. Yet I wouldn't want her to come back for anything in the world because she is where her life's journey was supposed to take her, Heaven. To be honest I'm just the slightest bit jealous of her as she is now in her NEW Perfect Body. Never to suffer grief or pain, never to cry or shed a tear. I wish I could have that perfect body too. But Mama suffered her fair share in the 72 years she lived on this earth, it's her turn now to LIVE IT UP, Heaven style!

Now that she's in Heaven, it's time for me to take up her mantle and start living the life God , and Mama, want me to live. Just living for Jesus ever second of every day. I know I will still fail along the way, but God didn't make me a quitter and neither did my Mama. It would be awesome to please them both, but 1st and foremost is to please my Saviour who gave His all for me. He did suffer in death, as He did in life, but He did it all for me and for you. I love Him and I love Mama for introducing me to Him.

What I'm trying to say is that my loss of Mama is GREAT/HUGE/OVERWHELMING, but she wouldn't want me to grieve forever over her. She would want me to enjoy life, live for Jesus and love my family and friends in the process. She was a great lady who loved all that life gave her. She didn't waste time moping around, saddened over what bad thing was happening in her life at the moment. Instead she embraced it and made out of it whatever she could. She made lots of lemonade over the years. I will miss you fair lady of grace, but I shall strive to be the example you gave me.

I love you forever and always. Thank you for everything. I shall see you soon, when the Lord comes for me and our family as well. Goodbye for now.