I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia six years ago. Six long years of pain, fatigue, brain fog, flare-ups, good days and bad days. Six long years to learn that I don't have that much energy anymore. You'd think in that six years I would have learned the all-important lesson to not overdo it, to listen to my body when it says it's tired. But have I? Apparently not.
I think my fibromyalgia is on the mild side now. I've come a long way since I was exhausted and stressed with a new baby/difficult toddler. So I have some days where I feel pretty good. Sunday was one of those days and I decided to give my yard some much-needed attention. Kneeling down pulling weeds and pruning bushes didn't seem like that much work at the time. Still, by the time I finished the backyard, I was feeling tired. But I hadn't touched the front yard yet, so I kept going. I pushed myself to the point of being utterly exhausted. And two days later, I'm still exhausted. I have no energy. My arms and legs feel like they're made out of lead. I just want to curl up in the cozy cocoon of my bed and sleep for the week.
But when does life ever work like that? Not often, in my experience! Nope, I have a busy week. Baseball games, lunch dates, massage appointments and a cleaning job to do. And on top of that, I scheduled a doctor's appointment, even though I knew I should wait until next week when I wasn't so busy and/or exhausted. For me, the one extra thing per day rule only works if I schedule one extra thing for three days or less for the week. Schedule four extra things in a week, and by Thursday I'm so tired I just want to cry. Sometimes, I do cry, just out of sheer exhaustion.
I hate being this way. I feel so weak. So pathetic. At thirty-eight years old, I'm fairly young. I'm healthy (aside from fibro). I feel like I should be able to do more. Maybe that's where the refusing to accept my limits comes in. But for six years, I've experienced the backlash from pushing past my limits. I'm experiencing the backlash of fatigue now and I'm wondering; will I ever learn?