Friday, April 24, 2009

Fibro and Anger

I've read many posts on many fibro sites about how common it is to feel anger about having fibromyalgia. It's easy to go there when you think "Why me? Why do I have to live with this?" I've had many days I've felt that way. That "Why me" question never leads anywhere good. But the last few years, I'm finding myself feeling more angry at the world for demanding so much of me. Instead of wondering why I have fibromyalgia, I find myself wondering why there are so many demands on me.

For me, the middle of April to the middle of June is the very worst time, even worse than Christmas. The school has all their end of the year stuff; fund raisers, music concerts, teacher appreciation week, etc.,etc. There seems to be no end to the demands the schools make on our time and bank accounts this time of year. Then there is baseball with multiple games and practices each week. And on top of all that, there are friend's birthdays, family birthdays, Mother's Day, and Father's Day. By the time Father's Day is over, I feel like I've run a gauntlet of holidays. It completely wears me out. I'm just not cut out for all the shopping and dropping by to visit that holidays require. By the end of it all, I feel like roadkill with a flock of hungry vultures tearing away pieces of me. (I know, it sounds dramatic but it's really how I feel!) And the bad thing is, it's all stuff I can't say no to. I promised myself I wouldn't put anything extra on the calendar. And what happens? Reminder cards for dentist appointments come in the mail, friends invite me to their parties, notices come home about whatever is going on at the school. So then I have to say no to some things and it always ends up being the things I want to do because I have no energy left from all the things I HAVE to do. And I find myself getting angry. Why are there so many demands on my time and energy? I don't feel angry at individual people, just at the world in general for being so dang busy all the time. Does anyone else feel this way? And what do you do about it? I really don't want to spend the next two months being angry at the world but it's already starting!

1 comment:

Teresa said...

You're exactly right. Too much is demanded of us. We live in a rushed society and one where every moment of our time is "booked". You practically have to make an appointment just to go to the bathroom!!!! (Well it's not THAT bad yet, but close!) Then when you throw fibromyalgia into the equation it's all the more worse. It makes me mad too, but too often I blame myself because I just can't do it anymore. I shouldn't, I know, but society just puts so much pressure on us to perform at peak level. Fibro has taught me to say NO, but you're right somethings you just can't say no to. I guess we just have to take it all in stride, re-evaluate what's really important and forget the rest!