I don't know what I'm going to write about tonight. I just know that I'm in so much pain I've got to do something to take my mind off of it, and this seemed like a good idea.
What kind of pain am I in? Oh you name it and it hurts. My whole body aches. Feels like I've been beat up. I'm so tender that even lying or sitting down hurts!
Even my shoulders are hurting. My left one (the bad one) feels just like it did when I tore it, but I haven't done anything but lay in bed and sit in my recliner. I've already had 2 surgeries on it, don't want a 3rd~
My knees are creaking and throbbing in pain. Again, this makes it very hard to walk. They even lock up on me.
And my ankles and feet are the very worst (but don't forget my hands and fingers!). I can't stand for my feet to be touched. Heat makes it worse and cold makes them cramp. I haven't tried a foot bath yet, that's next. Hope it helps. If my foot pain weren't so bad I MIGHT could deal with this. I'm a 10 on the pain scale. Actually an 11, but who's counting? If my feet were better I might be down to a 8 or 9. Oh the difference one digit makes!!!
My entire spine is in pain. Neck to sacral. AND I'm stiff. Like a board! I do have AS as well as fibro so that may be the reason I'm so stiff. But it's beyond ridiculous. I can't turn to save my life. Bending isn't much fun either. Going to the bathroom is a real adventure!
And to top it all off, I've got a headache. So I literally hurt from head to toe. Can it get any worse?
Glad you asked! Because YES it can. I'm not doing so great emotionally either. In fact I feel like taking the big plunge! I won't, I will never do that, by the grace of God. But I really FEEL like it.
I don't know how much more I can take. But there has to be a reason that I suffer. I don't think God lets people go thru this without a good reason. God is not cruel. I choose to think that He saw something in me that He knew I could bear this illness while still giving God the praise. I may not have just sounded like it, but that is my official stand on the subject. I do give God the praise and glory, even for this illness. Without it, I would have never known the JOY of a good day. Or being able to play with my little girl. I would have just continued to take all of these things for granted. I would have NEVER known what a real blessing they are. And I'd of never really experienced how comforting the Grace of God is. No matter how bad I'm hurting, or how down I am, God always takes care of me and He makes a difference in my life.
Soooo, I guess writing this did help me because I really am feeling better now. Praise God!
2 comments:
I'm sorry you are hurting so bad, Teresa. I can't even imagine hurting head to toe and not being able to find any relief in any position. I can honestly say I've never had a flare that bad. You are so strong to be able to get through flares like this (not to mention the other problems on top of it). I know sometimes I want to give up when I'm having a flare that's not even half as bad, so I am in awe of your strength. I'm glad your faith helps keep you going.
Trish, I'm honestly starting to wonder if something else isn't going on here. Last week I diagnosed myself with Lupus, this week it's MS, LOL. I know I'm jumping to conclusions and letting my imagination run away with me, but I really don't think it's all just the fibro anymore. Especially the foot thing. I'm going to see a neuro on Friday. Maybe he can provide some answers, eventually!
And you're right, if it were not for my faith I really would give up. It's my hope, my thread of hope.
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