Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Mourning your lossES...........

Before I start, I just want to say that I'm really feeling the effect of my fibro today. I'm in a lot of pain and the fibro fog is pretty serious, But I wanted to make this post today as it's been on my mind for several days now. So if anything doesn't make sense, feel free to ask questions......

Many times people (normal people) don't understand why we make such a big deal about having fibromyalgia, arthritis, etc..... whatever illness it is that has you down. The truth is they don't realize (and often even us sick people don't realize) how much of our life has been effected. A lot of times they think, OK, you're sick, so get on with your life already, but they have no idea just how much of our life has been taken away.

And for every part of our life that has been altered, we mourn it's loss. For example, not only am I sick and in pain 24 hours a day 365 days a year, I am also disabled from working. I really enjoyed working. I was a Workers Compensation Insurance Adjuster and I enjoyed helping people in need. So I not only mourn the loss of my health, I also mourn the loss of my job, my financial freedom, my independence........And the list goes on and on.

So people think, Oh, she doesn't work, she's got plenty of time to help us or do things with us, but therein comes my disability. I'm not only disabled from working a public job, but also from doing house hold chores and sometimes even to the extent of personal things. If I DID have the time to help, I don't have the ability to do it anymore.

When I lost my job, I also lost a lot of my friends. When I lost my ability to be really active in church I lost more friends and part of my source of entertainment. My sense of usefulness was wiped out.

But I'm just now realizing that I need to actually mourn each of these losses. I need to take the time out just to miss what I once had, so that I can move on with my life. It will never be the same, I can't say that it will ever even be good again as compared to what it was before. But if I can manage to 'kiss them goodbye' and then embrace life as it is now, I may be able to find new blessings in my life that may not have been there had I never gotten sick. One such blessing is that of my new Fibro Friends. They always understand what I'm going through now. They KNOW how to pray for me because they feel my pain. I would have never met them had I not been stricken with fibromyalgia and arthritis and migraine headaches. For them I am very thankful. I'm sure as life goes on I will realize other blessings GOD has given me to replace my losses, but it's only natural and healthy to mourn what you once had and lost.

If I could ask a favor of "normal" people it would be to give me time to get over my individual losses, help me see the new blessings in my life, but don't judge me because I'm having a hard time missing what I once had. Our lives have been virtually taken away and someones else life replaced it. It's still foreign to us. It takes a while to get used to this new life. And please, don't judge us because our life has changed. We didn't ask to get sick, but we accept it because we have no other choice. We have to live the life we're given, but we're not all dealt the same hand of cards and sometimes you have to fold and start all over again.


Trisha Pearson said...

You are so right, Teresa. I think mourning for the life I lost is something that I've resisted doing. I keep trying to get it back. But I can't really move on until I accept that it's gone and I can't get it back.

Great post! It would be a blessing if the "healthy" people in our lives could realize all we've lost and your post brings that to awareness.

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

Well said! We have so many things to adjust to, so many changes to adapt is overwhelming.

BTW...are you on Social Security Disabilty? I have been trying for awhile now with no luck. I am in the second appeal stage now, waiting on an appt to see a judge. My lawyer says it probably wont be before Oct 2010.

Teresa said...

Denise, I am on SS disability. Have been for 8 yrs now I think (I lose track of time!). It was a miracle of GOD that I got mine. I got it on my first application, however my depression was already a BIG issue when I filed. In fact I'd already spent 2 weeks inpatient in a psychiatric hospital because I'd attempted suicide. NOW, I do NOT recommend that anyone do this and I really wish that I had not, but yet I know that it played a part in me getting my disability the first time around. I had also already been drawing long & short term disability from work for over a year when I filed. It also helped that I was a workers' compensation insurance adjuster and kind of knew what kind of medical documentation they would be looking for and I kept up with this from the very beginning.
I hope that you get your disability very soon. I know how important it is to have it. Good luck and God Bless.

Laurie D. said...

Thank you so much for posting this. It is so important for "normal" people to try and understand that we are not just "undependable", we are sick. We cannot help how we feel. It's not like we enjoy feeling this way or losing the lives we had. I never thought of "mourning" the life I lost. It is a good idea, and I am sure will help with my mental and emotional health as well.
Soft Hugs and Prayers to you,
Laurie D.

Teresa said...

Laurie D.,
Thanks for your gentle hugs and prayers and for your comments. It's so nice to find people like yourself, who can agree with me because they understand where I'm coming from. Thanks!

AuthorKimberlyLB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AuthorKimberlyLB said...

Well put Teresa!

Society tends to label our worth by the job titles we have and the money we make. When we loose these, we can feel lost.

I'm trying very hard to define the me in life because I'm so much more than a job title. I'm a wife, a mother, a daughter, a granddaughter, and a friend. I don't get paid for those roles, but that doesn't mean that they are any less important.