Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Loss is Great, but Life Goes On........

On my last blog I explained that my Mother had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and given roughly 6 mos- 1 yr to live. Well, God's plans were not the same as the doctors. My mother went home to be with the Lord Jesus Christ on Friday February 5th. This was just 2 days prior to her 73rd birthday.



I am in shock and dismay, yet there's a sweet peace that floods my heart and soul. I miss her terribly and wish she were still with me, but not at the cost of having to be so sick and dependent on others for the most basic of needs. Yes, God answered my prayer in that He did not let her suffer and took her home before the suffering would have begun. From the day the family was given the diagnosis and prognosis, to the day she died was only 2 weeks. I am thankful for that. It was long enough for her to perfect her plans, say her goodbyes and I love you's and then curl up in the arms of Jesus. She worked tirelessly, planning her funeral, dividing her estate that wasn't mentioned already in the will, saying I LOVE YOU's in her own little way. She was such a great Mom. We didn't always see eye to eye on things, but she never judged me for a difference of opinion. She raised me to be strong, loving my family and above all loving my God, Jesus Christ.



I am having a very difficult time moving forward. And I'm now convinced that stress and emotional suffering play a VERY big part in my Fibro pain and symptoms. I've never been in so much pain in my entire life, as far as fibro pain is concerned. But ever so slowly I see a light at the end of the tunnel. The pain for me is simply that I miss her being here with me. Yet I wouldn't want her to come back for anything in the world because she is where her life's journey was supposed to take her, Heaven. To be honest I'm just the slightest bit jealous of her as she is now in her NEW Perfect Body. Never to suffer grief or pain, never to cry or shed a tear. I wish I could have that perfect body too. But Mama suffered her fair share in the 72 years she lived on this earth, it's her turn now to LIVE IT UP, Heaven style!



Now that she's in Heaven, it's time for me to take up her mantle and start living the life God , and Mama, want me to live. Just living for Jesus ever second of every day. I know I will still fail along the way, but God didn't make me a quitter and neither did my Mama. It would be awesome to please them both, but 1st and foremost is to please my Saviour who gave His all for me. He did suffer in death, as He did in life, but He did it all for me and for you. I love Him and I love Mama for introducing me to Him.



What I'm trying to say is that my loss of Mama is GREAT/HUGE/OVERWHELMING, but she wouldn't want me to grieve forever over her. She would want me to enjoy life, live for Jesus and love my family and friends in the process. She was a great lady who loved all that life gave her. She didn't waste time moping around, saddened over what bad thing was happening in her life at the moment. Instead she embraced it and made out of it whatever she could. She made lots of lemonade over the years. I will miss you fair lady of grace, but I shall strive to be the example you gave me.

I love you forever and always. Thank you for everything. I shall see you soon, when the Lord comes for me and our family as well. Goodbye for now.

6 comments:

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

HUGS! Im glad that you are finding comfort knowing that your Mom is in Heaven, enjoying her new perfect body and living with Jesus. I pray that you begin to feel better. I know that stress flairs my fibro in horrible ways.

God Bless You!!

Teresa said...

Denise, thanks for the comment. My fibro pain has been increased greatly because of all the stress. I'm taking more meds to help offset it (still within my dr's advice). Now my Dad is sick and they are testing him to see if he has the same disease as my Mom had. So the stress just continues..but kind ppl and friends like you make it easier.

Trisha Pearson said...

Teresa, I thought I posted a comment right after you wrote this. I'm sorry - I must have not pushed "publish your comment" or something. I've been extra scattered-brained lately.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I can't imagine the pain, emotional or physical that you must be going through. I know how stress makes my fibro flare up and can only imagine what a big stress like what you are going through must do.

Your mom sounds like a remarkable lady and great mom.

Be gentle with yourself and give yourself plenty of time to grieve.

Hugs to you and, as always, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Teresa said...

Trish, Thanks for your comments. Don't worry about not posting early, you had commented to me on fb too. My Mom was extraordinary. I'm very thankful for the opportunity to post and grieve openly in such a forum.

VickNYC said...

Teresa, I never thought to leave a comment here. Where we have our privacy to write what we want and not be judged. I know the burning pain that Fibro brings during stress. Taking the medication you need is a great help, it actually helps your immune system. Our bodies are not equipped to take this type of pain day in and day out.

I know your mom is in a better place. She's not in pain and to think, she never has to wait in a long Walmart line (I think I stole that line). People think its great to wake up to another day. How do they know that? It could be even better when you go home to your Maker. That's how I feel anyway. Not that I'm ready, but if it happens, well I will embrace it.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I'm still thinking of you. It might just be your turn to take over your Mom's position in the family, and if it is, make her prouder than she already is of you. Much love, Vickie

VickNYC said...

Teresa, I never thought to leave a comment here. Where we have our privacy to write what we want and not be judged. I know the burning pain that Fibro brings during stress. Taking the medication you need is a great help, it actually helps your immune system. Our bodies are not equipped to take this type of pain day in and day out.

I know your mom is in a better place. She's not in pain and to think, she never has to wait in a long Walmart line (I think I stole that line). People think its great to wake up to another day. How do they know that? It could be even better when you go home to your Maker. That's how I feel anyway. Not that I'm ready, but if it happens, well I will embrace it.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I'm still thinking of you. It might just be your turn to take over your Mom's position in the family, and if it is, make her prouder than she already is of you. Much love, Vickie