Tuesday, October 12, 2010

This Rollercoaster called Fibromyalgia...........or is it just life???

Sometimes I wonder if all that I go through is mostly from the fibromyalgia or if it is just life itself. I mean I never really have "highs" but my lows are pretty far down there. Sure, depression is a part of it. How can it not be when you feel like crap all the time? But there's more to it than that. So much more. For example, some days I can get out of bed, walk to the living room or kitchen, study a little maybe or just chill out. Other days I'm in so much pain that I can't EVEN get out of bed and if I do make it to another room, that's as far as I'm going for the rest of the day. Pain is my main reason for these issues. It's relentless, unyielding and downright heartbreaking. I realize that "if I'd just exercise more I'd feel better altogether", but that's a heck of a lot easier said than done. Especially when you can't move because of the horrible pain you're ALREADY in. Don't even get me started on the pain I feel when I do exercise. Well I say exercise, it's really nothing more than stretching or walking. And most of my walking is done at places that are air conditioned like Walmart or the mall. Who am I kidding.........I can't go to the mall and walk, my back is far too bad for that. So I walk in Walmart as far as I can and then have to get a scooter to take me out of the store and to the car.
But is any of this actually caused from the fibro? I mean would I be in this condition even if I DIDN'T have fibromyalgia? I guess we'll never know because it's not like I can get rid of any of the conditions I have. Fibro, AS, Sjrogens, Back pain, etc., etc., etc..........
I wish I could snap a finger and everything be ok again. Oh that's right..........it's never been ok. I've always had these symptoms, just not this bad. For those of you who suffer right along there with me, I feel your pain..........quite literally! I feel so bad for those people who say that their worst symptom is the fibro fog. I really do. It's horrible. But sometimes I wish that my fibro fog would block my pain. Instead it's as if I'm lost in a mindless, worthless issuance of pain from head to toe and deep within to my Psyche. What to do? What to do?
Am I ever positive? Rarely I believe. And I ramble on and on, don't I? Well, I'll just blame it on the fibromyalgia.........again! But sad to say, it's probably the true cause.
I'll never give up though. I've got too much that I want to accomplish somehow. Even if it's just from my bedroom or recliner. How's the saying go, "What doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger!"

4 comments:

Bonnie said...

Oh this article is so me. Everytime I read your blogs or others talking about how they feel or what they are going through I feel as if they are talking about me. Some days I try to remember what it was like before I hurt 24/7 but I can't remember. It's sad really that I can't think of what it feels like to not have pain all over. I'm sure you all feel the same. I'm going to post an article I just recieved for you to read about fibro fog. I found it very interesting. My God bless you all.http://rapidfibromyalgiarelief.com/blog/what-is-fibro-fog

Bonnie said...

sorry everyone, I guess I dont know how to post the web site correctly so it highlights to click on. I hope you all type it in and read it any way. Mean while I will work on getting it highlighted and posted again. If any one can help me feel free to. Or you can visit my blog and I have it posted there. Bonnie

Trisha Pearson said...

I'm sorry I didn't see this post sooner, Teresa. And I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I'm having a bad pain day myself and it really makes me appreciate the strength of people like you that live with severe pain all the time. You really do have amazing strength!

I know exercise helps many people (myself included, as long as I don't overdo it) but I also know it's not for everyone. It's definitely easier said than done when a person has massive amounts of pain and fatigue. Heck, it's hard even with mild amounts of pain and fatigue. I think people who suggest you'd feel better if you'd "just" exercise don't really have any idea of the pain you live with.

I'm glad to hear that you're not ready to give up. Don't! I do believe better treatments are on the way. That belief is what keeps me going on days like today when I can barely stay upright and conscious. We can and will get better.

Teresa said...

Bonnie & Trish, thanks for your comments. It always helps to know I'm not the only one out there. I mean, you know you're not, but it helps to hear it too.
I'm sorry I don't blog as must as I have in the past. When I'm at my worst pain levels, which I have been for some time now, I can barely function. But no, I'm not giving up. As much as I feel like it sometimes, I just don't think it's in me to do so! Hope you all have a blessed day.